I'm Human, Sorry.

YES, it's true.

I am a 20 year old human woman. And I make mistakes. (Alot of mistakes) But I learn from them and I understand that I'm not perfect. I'm never going to be perfect, and in all truth I could give a fuck less if I was perfect or not. I'm me, and thats all I can ask of myself. I realized at a young age I wasn't anything "special" not really. And before people get the wrong idea let me say this... I don't have low self esteem. I just know that I will never be Americas next top model, or American Idol, or a famous journalist who travels all over the world. I have hope, but I'm a logical thinker, and I'm OK with where I am and where my future my or may not take me. I'm pretty content with myself. ---> Back to my original rant. I'm not perfect. Mistakes will be made. I do learn from them though and a good majority of the time I don't make the same mistakes twice, but like I said... I do make mistakes. Even when that mistake is repeating an old mistake. A lesson is never learned untill it's felt. Thats how I feel. My mom told me when I was younger "Sha, don't touch the pot. It's hot." Yeah, ok. if you say so mom.... What does Danny do? (you know it.) I touch the pot. "Shit, it's hot!" I know that now. Won't be doing that again. I had to know for myself. I had to feel that.

Now I know I have gone on and on about Justin. And how things just never seemed "right" with him, and that I just wasn't sure. (I'm still not sure) but I hate thinking "what if?" What if this could possibly be a good thing and I'm just not seeing it. He never really hurt me. I never cared enough to actually let him. Yeah some of the things he does are annoying, and childish but at the same time I do some things that I know get on his last nerves. Beyond anything (even my fear of being alone) I hate not knowing. So after a few days of completely ignoring him, I talked to Justin a few days ago. I couldn't stop myself. He called and I answered. We talked... not just "Hey how's the weather?" but we had one of the deepest conversations I think we have ever had. He let me in. And even after that I tunneled as far as I could go. It's almost like an impulse. Like I needed to know everything I could about him now, and if I didn't it would be to late. A bit drastic, but Hey what can you do?

This is where my friends say "Danny, you're making a mistake."

I'm going to give him another chance. My friends think it's because I don't like being alone, and they take that as I need to have a guy with me at all times. NO, I have to really know he isn't the one for me. I can deal with being alone, dosen't mean I have to like it, but I wouldn't just be with someone cause I didn't want to be alone. I went through that phase in my teens. I know what I'm worth and trust me I'm not "settling" or letting him run his game. I truly want to know that his best isn't what is best for me. And if it is then I don't want to miss it. So we are going to work on things. Everything in life takes work, and if you give up at the first sign of trouble then whats the point in doing it all over again with someone else. You'll just live your life running away from something you're not even sure is going to happen. I'd be better off living alone, then. I don't know what the future has planned for me and Justin, but I'm willing to tag along for whatever may come our way. Through the good and the bad. Thats what a relationship is about right? Through thick an thin. For better or for worst, and all that good marrige vow stuff. Ehh, I'm young. I've lived through heartbreak, and if it should happen so be it. I refuse to live in regret though.

"We were never meant to be, we just happened"

I'm not mad though.

HA HA HA