dé· jà vu
(dzhä voo)
(dzhä voo)
n.
1. Psychology The illusion of having already experienced something actually being experienced for the first time.
1. Psychology The illusion of having already experienced something actually being experienced for the first time.
"Your mood swings are starting to give me whiplash" - Bella (Kristen Stewart) "Twilight"
Oh, how I relate. I've been doing good. The past what..two days? I called it off with Justin. And usually I'm a clingy person. It takes nothing for me to commit to someone and a life time to get over them. (not really, but sometimes it feels like it) I haven't texted him, haven't tried callin' him. I haven't even asked about him to mutual friends. I've simply been living life.
I always said guys have this secret radar built into them at birth that progresses as they get older. When they tune into a female, they know when she isn't thinking of them. Or when she is moving on without them. Like they can somehow feel her slipping away. Not even that they care to lose her. It just makes them feel better knowing they've got her. Like a childs old toy. They don't play with it. It just sits on the shelf and gathers dust, but they don't want to throw it out or give it to someone who wants it. They throw a fit. Justins radar must have set off tonight. I've been misserable all day. Fighting with my mom, stressed about moving. Typical stuff, but it leaves me vulnerable. I start feeling extremely "open" when I'm upset, and the last thing I needed was to hear from him. So what does he do...?
He walks into my job!
What the living fuck? 
I really can't get a break. He just strolls in here like nothing is wrong. It's like a re-occuring nightmare with this cat. Like I didn't just tell him 2 days ago that I was sick and tired of his shit. That he needed to grow up, or leave me alone. He walks in and says "So what (stupid face) we together or not?" ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! I just looked at him. Then he has the nerve to ask "Why you mad?" At this point I'm probally beet red in the face. I'm holding my breath so I don't scream, and I even think I drew blood from biting the inside of my cheek (stress reliever) It took me exactly 2 minutes to regain my composure. (I know because I was staring at the clock on my desk so I didn't have to look him in the face) I took a deep breath and said "I'm fine" What I really wanted to say was "You're the fucking reason I'm mad. You inconsiderate, childish ass jerk!" but I don't want to let him see how much he really gets to me. I don't want him to get that satisfaction that I actually let him in so much. He has the power to really hurt me, but if he dosen't know that he can't use it against me. (knowingly) It took all my will power to paste a fake ass smile on my face and say "I'm good" Apparently he didn't like that. So it worked. He believes that I'm good without him. "Fake it till you make it" huh? Funny how that just comes along. It's like he wanted me to be miserable, cause after I said I was okay he walked away. Not before he said "You need to grow up."
I really can't get a break. He just strolls in here like nothing is wrong. It's like a re-occuring nightmare with this cat. Like I didn't just tell him 2 days ago that I was sick and tired of his shit. That he needed to grow up, or leave me alone. He walks in and says "So what (stupid face) we together or not?" ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! I just looked at him. Then he has the nerve to ask "Why you mad?" At this point I'm probally beet red in the face. I'm holding my breath so I don't scream, and I even think I drew blood from biting the inside of my cheek (stress reliever) It took me exactly 2 minutes to regain my composure. (I know because I was staring at the clock on my desk so I didn't have to look him in the face) I took a deep breath and said "I'm fine" What I really wanted to say was "You're the fucking reason I'm mad. You inconsiderate, childish ass jerk!" but I don't want to let him see how much he really gets to me. I don't want him to get that satisfaction that I actually let him in so much. He has the power to really hurt me, but if he dosen't know that he can't use it against me. (knowingly) It took all my will power to paste a fake ass smile on my face and say "I'm good" Apparently he didn't like that. So it worked. He believes that I'm good without him. "Fake it till you make it" huh? Funny how that just comes along. It's like he wanted me to be miserable, cause after I said I was okay he walked away. Not before he said "You need to grow up." I needed a good laugh.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
What a fuckin' dick.
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