Well I mentioned in my first post (I think) that I quit smoking. In some ways it's alot easier then I thought it would be, but I'm not one without demons and tonight at work I succumbed. I didn't buy a pack because I figured if I did then I would have a reason to smoke the whole pack. (can't waste) I bummed a cigarette from a fellow employee and lit up. :( I felt horrible after, and I still do. It hasn't even been a full 2 weeks yet, and I let myself down. I damn near cried after I finally put the smoke out, and walked back inside to work. I was joking about it, but it was a battle to keep the burning tears in place and not let them over flow from my eyes and give away my true dissapointment. I don't want to make up excuses, but it was just a crappy day. I realized once again that people aren't what they seem, and most just set you up for failure anyway. I feel even worst because I let what someone did to me bring me down to the point that I truly dissapointed myself. I am NOT giving up though. I knew I could do this before, and I know I still can. It's a step backward, but I am destined to move forward. =]
I want to be remembered for who I am. Not for who I was. I live everyday like it's my last day on earth. My arrogance is confidence, it's just that easy. I'm someones baby mama. I write on things. I paint on peoples faces. I'm a beautiful disaster. I'm indecisive and highly complusive. I'm Louisiana bred and New Orleans raised. I have a potty mouth, but I don't care. I love hard, I live harder.
3 Love Notes:
I'm still smoking (Newports & otherwise), but don't get down about. From what I hear, it ain't easy for anybody....Just hang in there....
Jen! You can do it! I know you can!!
Thanks you guys, I'm back on the track. 3 days and counting !!!
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